Hello, my name is Michael Cross. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor six-year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents send her off to the travelling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give $1000 to you and everyone else you send 'his' e-mail to? How stupid are you? Oooooh looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every model in the Playboy magazine! What a bunch of bullshit.

So basically this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards.

Maybe the evil chain-letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and rape me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Moses and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 01, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest continuing streak of blatant stupidity.

If you're going to forward something, at least make it mildly amusing. I've seen all the 'send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being' forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing by sending out forwards.

Chances are it's your own unpopularity.